Today, the most important thing of all occurred to me - at least, the most important thing in my life right now.
I can't do this.
I have fifteen days left, discounting moving day, before I am officially independent. I don't feel independent. I'm staring at society's mother bird as she pecks me out of the nest, but I'm not quite ready to fly yet. Even if I am, I don't feel that way. I don't want to feel that way. I can't leave my friends and my routine and my home. Suddenly this house has a personality, and it's one that I can't leave behind. It feels like a third parent, almost; a safety net with its own washing machine and tumble drier - a stocked fridge and Pepsi practically on tap. I can't sell my beloved car. I can't move to a place where the Tesco could be anywhere and the places I know and love are nowhere.
I can't do any of those things. How can I be expected to abandon life as I know it in favour of a whole new world? They all say these will be the best years of my life and that three years won't feel enough by the end of it, and I know they know better, but right now it's hard to believe that this is a beginning and not an end. This is the end of I can.
Still, I've just remembered something important.
I want to do this.
Maybe I can't, but I want to - and I will. Fifteen days, discounting moving day; let's tick them off instead of striking them through. I'm going to miss you all. Keep in touch.
Sometimes to want is to accomplish; it all depends in the strength of the will and in the veracity of the person`s need. I wish u the best of luck in this new phase of your life.
ReplyDeleteIf I understood correctly u are going to college; or better yet, judging through date, you are already in college.
In this case I think is just worth to remember that, in any country, college is a rich and dangerous place.
In anyway u`ll be seeking knowledge, but is up to your will to chose the right companies and the right use of the knowledge you`ll be gaining.
Kisses, Marcella.
ps: beautiful and cool text on the e-books. I agree with your every sentence.